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Re: Wondering
Posted:
Apr 18, 2009, 4:31 AM
i googled your question, and these are some replies i found in a blog descussing your question.
its like the stock market. you put some into it and let it build a little at a time
Various life circumstances make us become more skeptical, wary, and distrusting. Its a self-defense mechanism.In some ways.. learning to distrust is like putting your hand on a hot stove... from that point on in your life you will ALWAYS double check the oven before you put your hand on it. Why??? Because you don't trust that it will not be hot. Once we get hurt by others, we have a tendency to ALWAYS be more distrustful of new people because we don't trust that they won't hurt us like we've been hurt before.
Trust has to be givein in small amounts, then earned beyond that. We are all skeptical because of past issues, but punishing a new person in our lives for others mistakes can lead to their lack of trust in us. No one wants to have to answer to someone that can not put some trust in us themselves. Trust is always a choice, because someone can do many things to try to earn trust, but we still do not have to give it to them. If you choose to not trust someone, everything they do will cause you to question them. If you choose to trust someone, it can take a lot to prove they are not trustworthy.
People can't prove they are trustworthy - they can only prove that they are untrustworthy! I do think everyone initially deserves the benefit of the doubt.
I trust implicitly, until they eff up, then they have to spend lots of time earning it.
don't fall into the trap of looking or proving to yourself you can't trust someone new. We all have booboos from someone in our past that let us down. Of course we become more careful and cautious. That's just normal. It's recognizing and not assuming its the exact same thing that's happening and discussing it with them.
"It is impossible to go through life without trust: that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself" Graham Greene
I think it's both. You won't trust a complete stranger. You have to get to know a person before you trust them. Other people give you a reason to trust them; in that sense trust is earned. But you still have to DECIDE to trust someone, and in that sense it's given. It's pretty much common sense. A relationship is an on-going exchange, so trust is constantly being given and earned.
In my experience those who want me to prove myself to them first have some past issues to deal with, or are in it for the short haul and when they get caught out, will act all indignant and rapidly distance themself from the relationship having got what they wanted already.
i trust..up to you to keep it....have to trust yourself.... in order to trust another.
You give a little and if they waste it then your gone. Simple and effective. As for getting trust, if someone isn't giving you an inch, go elsewhere. Children, your past and the people in your life aren't baggage. Your life experiences that have crippled you inside are what is baggage. They are hurdles no one should have to jump but you. When you've jumped them, move on. You've stayed the course, become healthy and focused...
Given: when you first meet someone and owe them the benefit of the doubt.
Earned: when the trust is broken, and they have to prove the difference between a mistake and a pattern.
I tend to give the benefit of the doubt from the start .... to a certain extent. Being somewhat cautious is not a bad thing. The remainder of the open trust can be earned. I like people in general, and will give anyone a break when possible. I have on occassion been let down, but moreover, I have been pleasantly surprised and even overwhelmed on occassion too. Going out with the "firewall" protection in place is not a way to prospectively seek someone or something
Scire hostis animum - Intelligere ludum - Nosce te ipsum - Prima moventur conciliat - Nolite errare
Yet again, I have just finished reading another post in the forums, that has me wondering.
This time I am wondering...What is it that causes someone to be filled with so much rage that it results in writing hateful and venomous things to and about another person?
I have witnessed agressive and abusive behavior in my classroom and of course I redirect it. I am aware that when a student behaves violently at school, generally speaking, that student has been a victim, or at the very least has been a witness to violence in his or her own home. I believe the child has been "taught" to handle conflict resolution in that manner. One of my many goals as a teacher is to teach them conflict resolution skills that do not injure another's physical, emotional, or spiritual well being.
My hope is that when someone finds himself(or herself) at the receiving end of hateful and hurtful comments, that he or she is able to recognize that those comments are not about them. Those comments are only a reflection of what the person "slinging the mud" is feeling and thinking.
Interesting post indeed jaq.....I had a convo earlier with a friend this afternoon about when people pull their Bull in a Chinashop routine over something small, its typically a sign that something else is going on in their life and the whole projection thing comes into play. I can't speak for anyone but myself tho so I deem it wise to refrain from speculating on details in such matters.
"Some of us"......"certain admins/players"..... without reaching into my bag of venom and pent-up rage (ok that might have been a tiny bit sarcastic) I'm gonna state the following very plainly and diplomatically as humanly possible.
Hiding behind veiled ambiguity in the name of diplomacy isn't a moral value nor does it qualify as tactfulness. When I am addressed behind the veil of "certain people" its not only insulting my intelligence, but its cowardly as well. If you have something to say, come out and say it if its worth starting a thread about and not even attempting to discuss via PM or email before doing so.
Basically I guess I have a similar criticism for you here jaq that I have voiced in earlier posts including the hot topic from last night and today, and that is that if you have an issue with a player or ID here the thing to do isn't to rush to post dirty laundry in the forums but rather TCOB privately if possible......That could take shape in the form of personal communication, or in more serious instances the admin channels.....not that I have anything to hide mind you, but its just bad form and a drain on the spirit of the community at large for the knee-jerk reaction to be one of posting here.
skill and tact in dealing with other people synonyms ~ subtlety, discretion
ambiguity
1. doubt about meaning ~
a situation in which something can be understood in more than one way and it is not clear which meaning is intended.
2. statement with more than one meaning ~ an expression or statement that has more than one meaning
cowardly
1. not brave ~ showing a lack of physical or moral courage, or too scared to do a particular thing ~ a cowardly attempt to avoid blame
2. cruel and spineless ~ showing meanness or cruelty to people who are weaker or unable to defend themselves and fear of those who are equal or stronger a cowardly attack on an undefended village
Just for the record, I believe that true courage has nothing to do with the absence of fear. I believe that true courage requires us to feel the fear, move past it, and take action.
bad69, I am going to assume that you read my previous post and have a clearer understanding of the words courage, ambiguity and some.
1. Let me be very clear about this. I believe it would be rather arrogant of me to impose my value system on you or anyone else for that matter. And frankly I am inclined to believe that unsolicited advice is rarely heeded. Furthermore, some (more than a few, less than many) of us want to know the truth about ourselves, however we don't want it to feel as though we're being hit over the head with a baseball bat.
2. (I rarely use absolutes, but will make an exception in this case) I have never and will never air anyone's dirty laundry out for the public to view. You, along with others have aired their own dirty laundry, and I have only replied to it. You are the one that has posted your oftentimes hurtful and hateful comments in the forums and I have replied.
3. If you, or anyone else for that matter, aren't happy with the way I have approached this, I will say...hmmm.
4. Oftentimes, it has seemed to me that there is a fine line between bravado and stupidity. In response to your comment regarding what you deemed as my cowardliness, I have been accused of many things (being a procrastinator, being selfish, a heartbreaker, a dreamer, I think too much); however I believe that's the first time I have been called a coward. I have taken it under advisement and I am inclined to disagree with you on that. As a matter of fact, I have filed it in the circular file. Of course if you were only stating an opinion, I would not be able to disagree with you. You are entitled to your opinions. That was not the case though. You stated it as though it were a fact. I take it that you believe it is courageous to say unkind things to people and call it bravado. Do you deem swinging a baseball bat and hitting someone over the head with it courage? Yet again, I disagree with you badsix. I consider that to be "bad form".
4. I googled the term "mental health" and found the website for the National Institute of Mental Health. Perhaps you will find it helpful...http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/outreach/
Sincerely, and Unveiled, Jaqueline
P.S. I am going to deviate from my own belief system and suggest to you...Cowboy up bad69, and take accountability for your own actions. I do not like it when people falsely accuse me of things. Do not do it again.
LMFAO......you say "Evil" and "Mental" like thats a bad thing? Two labels I wear with pride when the contrast is against the holy sense of what you represent jaq.
As for the cowardice I give you props for coming out from the fringe to do your best and throw a stone directly rather than continue hiding in the ambiguous statements I mentioned before so kudos and respect on that
The vocab lesson is a bit redundant as the dictionary definitions all coincide with my previous statements and while your condescension certainly chimes in accord with your bitchy tone, it didn't add anything to clarify any point(s) of the argument.
Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together to discern that you have some goofy loyalty to the Zster that no doubt stems from wanting to engage in some play of romantic interest(edited to accomodate zoeys request), but fer cryin' out loud, wait until I actually do or say something wrong before you try to "cowgirl up" and try to alpha out.
As for accountability, I've never had an issue with that.....in fact if memory serves, one could find a public apology in these forums where the certain someone you knuckleheads keep referring to "cowboyed up" in the name of that accountability and remorse......you'll also find that the peeps whose business it was came forward and let it go, so for you and z to resurrect that piece is A)stupid, B)retarded and C) stupid and retarded.
The day is not likely to come soon that I won't open my mouth when a player belittles and demeans another here in the ways that I have been privy to (and responded to accordingly) as of late. If you wanna defend zoeys right to squawk a new ID through the mud with as little evidence as he had then by God that's your right too.....lovely thing this whole free speech thing is. I applaud and affirm your right to an opinion no matter how dumb it might be. (Even if it turned out to be some goofishness by an alt or whoever I stand by the notion that its COMPLETELY inappropriate for the reflex action to be one of forum posting.....everyone's sick of this s**t. I bet Dweebo's tired of it more than anyone.)
In conclusion (Conclusion-the END of a thing.....as in drop and shut it fer f*x sake) I wanna point out that in dealing with you AND z this weekend I attempted the non-baseball bat approach but neither of you wanted to deal on that level, so don't b***h when you are acquainted with my weapon of choice when you get down in an insulting and personal level with me. Its all proportionate you'll find if you look at it objectively. I'm a very approachable person you'd find if you exercised the restraint to scratch deeper than the superficial layer and you'd find that there's much more than meets the knee-jerk eye if you resolved to talk to, rather than about, a person (by 'person' I of course mean 'devil').
The end. Let's pray.
Message was edited by: baddsixx9 at Apr 27, 2009 3:48 AM
Let us all bow our heads and pray the words our savior taught us:
Our father who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come, thy will be done On earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from evil.
-Deliver us lord from every evil and grant us peace and peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety.
-Amen.
It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
